![]() ![]() Ask directly and respectfully for what you want instead of bullying or intimidating your kids into submission. Take responsibility for yourself. Spend more time focused on how you want to behave and less time trying to control how your kids behave. Don’t take the bait! It doesn’t help the situation to engage in a yelling match. One “gauntlet” that moms frequently tell me about is: “You’re a mean mommy!” I know hearing that can feel like getting punched in the stomach, but it’s just an invitation to a power struggle. Just because your child invites you to a conflict doesn’t mean you have to accept. You might also like: When Trying to Make Your Child Happy Makes You Miserableĭon’t pick up the gauntlet. This is one of the principles of ScreamFree Parenting. As you begin to tolerate his full range of emotions, he’ll also learn to tolerate feelings of disappointment and frustration. But giving in to your child’s demands just because you’re afraid of his reaction teaches him that he’s in control, not you. ![]() ![]() ![]() Avoiders can feel unsettled when others get upset. Instead of letting out a heavy sigh and stomping out of the room, say, “Please turn the channel back. For example, suppose you’re watching TV when your teenager walks in and changes the channel without asking. Instead of stuffing your feelings, express them in an honest and respectful way. Once the problem is resolved, they don’t hang on to their anger anymore they release it.Įxperiment with asserting yourself more. Anger indicates to them that there’s a problem and motivates them to take action. People who handle their anger in healthy ways can express it directly and honestly while still respecting the rights of others. You feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them because you never know what’s going to set them off. They attack others to keep themselves at a safe distance and to avoid getting hurt. They react instantly and use their power or position to intimidate. When you think about anger, you probably think of this kind. It can also develop into depression or physical illness/pain. Sometimes it comes out as rage (like when you try to stay calm and finally lose it), or more indirectly (like when you “forget” to do something you said you’d do). Eventually, the anger rises to the surface and breaks through. Psychologist John Bradshaw compares repressed anger to holding a large beach ball under water. People who mask their anger generally avoid it at all costs because they’ve learned that it’s “bad” or “scary.” They might have witnessed their own parents’ aggressiveness, or were chastised as children for expressing angry feelings. They steer clear of conflict, have trouble saying “no” for fear of being disliked, and then feel resentful and taken for granted. I tend to think of them as passive and aggressive. The most common ones I see in the parents I work with are referred to in the book as Masked and Explosive anger styles. Being able to deal with anger in a healthy way isn’t easy, but it’s possible, and doing so can make your family life a whole lot better.Īccording to Ron and Pat Potter-Efron, authors of Letting Go of Anger, there are different styles of handling anger. Anger is a normal part of life that signals when problems need to be addressed, but it can cause problems, too. Or maybe you became so depleted from taking care of everyone else that you blew a fuse.Įveryone feels angry from time to time. Maybe your kid’s disobedience triggered an unpleasant memory, or a feeling of being unworthy of respect. ![]()
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